Managing Our Emotions: The Key to Effective Leadership

Our society often encourages us to suppress our emotions, so our vocabulary for describing our emotions is limited, leading to a lack of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. By ignoring our feelings, we risk burnout, poor relationships, and a diminished quality of life.

We are fine, okay, anxious, or stressed. We have too many distractions so we choose not to spend time exploring and listening to our feelings, best to suppress them and move on. We avoid difficult conversations, unleash our anger at a work colleague or loved one, or run it off on the treadmill among other things, anything but spending time with our feelings. When we block our feelings we suffer. We numb ourselves. We burn out. We get sick. 

As children we receive mixed messages about managing our emotions—sometimes we’re told to suppress them, while other times we’re encouraged to “follow our hearts.” This confusion leads us to ignore some emotions while amplifying others, often to our detriment. By tuning into how emotions manifest in our bodies and affect our thoughts, we can gain better control over our reactions. This self-awareness helps us pause before escalating from example stress to anger. Recognizing these emotional signals empowers us to manage our feelings more effectively and guides us toward personal growth. We can learn to  manage our emotions and become a self that is compassionate, healthy, and capable of nurturing thriving relationships.

Let’s first distinguish between emotions and feelings. 

 

Understanding the Difference: Emotions vs. Feelings

• Emotions: Real-time physical sensations that signal our body’s response to a stimulus.
• Feelings: Complex interpretations of emotions, influenced by our past experiences and beliefs.

Emotions are real-time data sparked by sensations in the body. The sirens go off in our body that something needs our attention. Feelings can be more biased and messy, diluted by our own fears for the future and our own stories based on  our beliefs and values, our experiences and everything that has come before us. Feelings give us signals or nudges about what’s going on inside, while emotions reflect our current state of being. Feelings are like the radar that detects subtle shifts in the weather, quietly signaling what’s happening beneath the surface. Emotions, on the other hand, are the storm itself — showing the full force of the internal experience. 

Everyone handles emotions differently and so how we manage our emotions.  For example, if fear is the underlying emotion, one coaching client might channel that fear into excitement, diving headfirst into a presentation at a conference. Another coaching client, facing the same fear, might need to take a step back, reduce the overwhelm, and reframe her approach. Our coping strategies shape how we experience and react to emotions. There’s no right or wrong way—it depends on what fits the situation and your goals. The right strategy helps you manage emotions so they don’t take on a life of their own and spiral. Pushing through our emotions or ignoring them doesn’t make them disappear; instead, learning coping strategies to  manage our emotions gives us the tools to exert control and handle them before they spiral.

 

The Power of Emotional Self-Awareness

By tuning into our emotions, we can:

• Gain control: Understand and manage our reactions.
• Build resilience: Cope with stress and adversity.
• Enhance relationships: Foster empathy and connection.

 

Practical Techniques for Managing Emotions

1. Feel your feelings – zoom in and zoom out on them. Experience all the feelings without judgment.  Let them unravel and explore where the feeling is in your body, what is it, what is it about and what is driving it.
2. Label it –  Expand your vocabulary and add more color to it. Name it so they can tame it. When we name our feelings we strip them of their power over us. There is so much power in self-acknowledgement to calm us, especially when it’s gentle and warmhearted. 
3. Reframe  – Once you name what you are experiencing, take back control and reframe it. Can anxiety before going in to have a hard conversation with your boss signal that you care about the outcome and relationship? Can your fear be because it is trying to protect you and be cautious?  You choose how to respond, let it float by you or listen to it. We do not have to give into every feeling. We can determine how to respond to navigate the situation. 
4. Pause – Slow down when the feelings rise up and pay attention to what you are feeling. If you find yourself stressed, anxious or angry, explore what events may be driving them. Hold off on responding until you can calm yourself even though it may seem like a good idea in the moment. Walk through steps 1-2-3 above. 

 

Focus on the front end,  move through these steps to understand and interpret our emotions.  We can regain our control and focus our attention inward and choose how we respond. We do not have to give into every signal. The more we are attuned to and have clarity on our emotions and feelings, the better we can guide our actions, instead of missing the signal or moving from feeling to reacting.  

 

The Power of Choice

We have the power to shape our experience just like Harold the fictional four year old in the book  “Harold and The Purple Crayon”.   When Harold wants to visit the moon  he draws a path skyward and he’s there. When he gets lost he draws windows to get home. His purple crayon draws out potential experiences. He looks at the fear and moves forward with creative solutions. Next time you sense the rise of feelings and emotions, take the crayon and choose possibilities for growth. 

By understanding and managing our emotions, we can navigate challenges with grace and resilience. Let’s embrace our emotions as valuable tools for personal growth and effective leadership.

By mastering the art of emotional intelligence, you can enhance your relationships, improve your decision-making, and achieve greater success.

Let’s work together to transform your leadership journey. Schedule a complimentary coaching session with me today to explore how we can help you develop the skills and strategies to thrive in today’s complex world.