Do you ever feel regret after a situation occurred and wish you had that witty remark or sharp comeback to have responded differently? Sometimes we think of the perfect thing to say only when the moment has passed and it is too late.
There’s a term for this phenomenon: afterwit. George Bernard Shaw referenced it in his play The Doctor’s Dilemma to convey the idea of insight that comes too late—it reminds us how frequently we fail to respond appropriately in real-time conversations, only to later think of the perfect thing to say—a humorous yet sharp critique of human nature and social dynamics. Shaw’s use of afterwit emphasizes the complexities of human interactions, especially in professional and personal dilemmas, where hindsight often reveals better options that were not obvious in the moment. Shaw’s characters often grapple with moral and ethical choices, often realizing too late the potential consequences of their actions or inactions.
Common Work Scenarios Affected by Afterwit
- Meeting Discussion: After a team meeting, a colleague realizes that they should have responded to a critical comment about their project by saying, “I appreciate your feedback; it only helps me improve,” instead of remaining dead silent. They think of this clever reply later and wish they had said it in the moment.
- Client Interaction: During a presentation, a salesperson faces tough questions from a client. Later, they think of a perfect response that highlights their product’s unique features and how it aligns with the client’s needs. They wish they had been quick enough to deliver it during the meeting.
- Performance Review: After receiving feedback from a manager, an employee recalls an insightful point they could have made about their recent accomplishments. They think, “I should have highlighted that project’s impact; it would have strengthened my case for a promotion.”
- Networking Event: At a networking event, someone shares an interesting story, and you struggle to find the right thing to say. Later, you think of a clever comment that ties back to their story and could have led to a deeper conversation, but the moment has passed.
- Team Collaboration: During a brainstorming session, you feel that a colleague’s idea is too ambitious but don’t voice your concerns. Later, you come up with a witty analogy to express your viewpoint, wishing you had brought it up while everyone was discussing the project.
These examples illustrate how afterwit can manifest in workplace scenarios, often leading to a feeling of missed opportunities for more engaging or impactful communication.
Ten Strategies to Minimize Afterwit
Avoiding afterwit, or the regret of missed responses, involves being present, prepared and engaged in conversations to provide a more effective and timely response. Here are some strategies to help you minimize the chances of experiencing afterwit:
- Practice Active Listening: Focus fully on what others are saying as opposed to formulating your next point while the person is speaking. This not only helps you understand their points better but also allows you to respond more thoughtfully and immediately.
- Prepare in Advance: If you anticipate challenging conversations or situations, prepare potential responses, talking points ahead of time and questions to address. This preparation can boost your confidence and make it easier and be prepared to respond in real-time.
- Pause Before Responding: Take a moment to gather your thoughts if someone asks you a challenging question or makes a statement that catches you off guard. This pause can help you formulate a relevant and appropriate response on the spot versus blurting out something you may regret later or wish you expressed it differently.
Tip: Acknowledge the question (“That’s a great point, let me think about it for a second or can I get back to you on that?”) This buys you a little time to formulate a thoughtful reply. - Manage your emotions: In high-pressure situations, like meetings or presentations, practice techniques to manage your emotions, such as deep breathing or visualization, to help you think clearly and respond effectively.
- Ask Clarifying Questions: If you’re unsure about a point made during a conversation, ask open ended questions for clarification like “Can you elaborate or tell me more or help me better understand that point?” This buys you time to think and leads to more meaningful and productive conversations.
- Reiterate what was said: This shows you are actively listening and trying to confirm understanding. For instance, saying, “So what I’m hearing is…” allows you to clarify and engage more effectively. It also allows you to achieve shared understanding, catch important details and provide an on-the-spot, relevant response.
- Be Open to Feedback: Create an environment where constructive feedback is welcomed and can lead to fewer instances of afterwit.. During team discussions, encourage feedback by asking, “Does anyone see this differently?” or “What are your thoughts?” This openness fosters a more dynamic dialogue and minimizes missed opportunities for input.
- Reflect After Conversations: After meetings or discussions, take a moment to reflect on how they went. Consider what worked well and what could improve your responses in the future, helping you build confidence for next time.
- Focus on Building Rapport: Establishing strong relationships with colleagues can make conversations feel less intimidating. When you feel connected, you’re more likely to speak up and share your thoughts.
- Be Yourself: Authenticity can help you feel more at ease in conversations. Embrace your unique communication style, which can encourage you to express your thoughts more freely and confidently.
By implementing these strategies, you can avoid afterwit by being more engaged, prepared, and responsive during conversations. This leads to richer, more meaningful dialogues and fewer regrets about missed opportunities.
The line, “If I had known he was going to die, I’d have taken better care of him,” from The Doctor’s Dilemma.
That line from The Doctor’s Dilemma is like when you think of the perfect comeback—after the conversation is over. Sir Ridgeon’s witty remark about taking better care of Dubedat comes too late. Have you ever walked out of a meeting and suddenly thought of the perfect solution? If you’d come up with it earlier, you could’ve wrapped things up 20 minutes sooner.
A classic case of afterwit—realizing something clever or useful just a bit too late!
Ready to elevate your communication skills? As a leadership coach, I can help you develop the confidence and strategies to overcome afterwit and excel in your professional and personal life. Contact me today to schedule a consultation.
